I Love You, Momma.

Postive Affirmations for Momma


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It’s finally May!

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Well it’s baby month. No matter what happens I will have my baby boy this month. Tomorrow is the due date based off the ultrasound. I don’t think he’ll be here but hopefully. I don’t know and honestly right now, I truly don’t even care. I still feel kind of sick. My mother and cousin came over yesterday to hang out with Juliette and allowed me to lay on the couch while John went back to work. I was alone with Juliette for an hour after they left and before John got home and it was the most miserable hour of life! She can climb onto the couch now without any assistance. Which, I mean, claps for her…. If only she was just interesting in sitting on the couch, instead of standing on it. Every time I leave the living room I come back and she’s standing there staring at me with the proudest look on her face. It’s cute to see her look so accomplished but I mean, I’m 10 month pregnant and can’t make it over the safety gate fast enough! We also have this random coax cable that just sticks up out of the carpet, and it seems to be her new favorite toy. We will go through another week or so of constantly redirecting her attention away from it before she really just gets bored with it but the amount of melt downs we had yesterday after she found it was beyond me.
I don’t think I will be doing much today at all because honestly I have no energy. Little guy is pretty calm, I hope he’s doing ok. I’m still feeling significant movement and all but he’s just calmer than normal. Trying not to let my mama brain worry, but sometimes I just have to force myself to lay down and feel him.
For not having much of an appetite these past few days I am REALLY craving a veggie burger. The funny thing is I’m finally feeling hungry but as soon as I eat I feel like a few bites is all I can really get down. And I’m still hugely but it’s like my stomach is uneasy.
Family around me is starting to get impatient waiting for this little guy to be here which is funny to me. You would think I would be the most impatient of all but I really am content waiting the last week or so for him to get here. Daily I get phone calls from family members asking how I’m doing. I think it’s sweet.
I had a lot of insecurities I guess you could call them about this pregnancy. We got pregnant when Juliette was just barely 6 months old. It seemed to be really soon for everyone except us. We had a lot of reasons for getting pregnant again.
1. We are both young and haven’t finished our schooling yet. I’m about a year or so from graduating beauty school and John has yet to start his 2 year film degree. I think for the careers we want having kids while we are in school is the best option because “pausing” your career for a family doesn’t always work out.
2. We want to get the sibling issue out of the way. We knew we wanted more than one. To have the sibling issue taken care of it takes a lot of pressure off for a long time. We could wait another 5 years to have another kid no problem!
3. Raising babies just fits our life well right now. It’s a good season for baby season. With johns schedule and mine, babies work out well! We don’t feel that stress of infancy and all that.

But like I said a lot of people expressed that it was too soon and that we rushed it. That’s their opinion and to be honest I ignore most people who say anything like that about our situation. I will admit when we first got pregnant it seemed like “bad timing” but now at the eve of his birth, he couldn’t be coming at a better time. No one has really asked about my pregnancy. No one has shown much interested until this last week or so. That made me insecure because I felt like I was the only one who wanted him. When I was pregnant with Juliette we were showered with gifts and people were always asking about her and the pregnancy, and it’s still that way! I am pregnant and all people cared to talk about is Juliette. I don’t expect gifts and stuff from people, it’s not the point of having a child. But it was quiet a shock to go from having to buy nothing for my girl and nearly everything for my guy.
I spent many nights in tears feeling like I was the only one who loved him. The only one anticipating his arrival, especially after the hurtful things that were text to me by Johns sisters. I remember sitting with John and through sobs saying “if I’m the only one who loves him, I will make sure he’s the most loved person on the planet”. Most of those feelings have changed. More of my family has shown interest in his arrival, and that has helped my attitude and feelings about this pregnancy so much more. I feel like people actually do want him now. That makes my heart hurt in so many good ways.

I was never really honest about that part of my pregnancy but it will be good to remind myself one day.
Xo, Rhea.


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Stomach bug from hell!

Sunday night/Monday morning I was rolling around bed with some extreme back pain. I used to flipping constantly at night because my hips are dead asleep but I was literally moving every 5 minutes. No position was comfortable. By 5am on Monday I was so uncomfortable I had to get up to shower to relieve the tension in my body (a really hot shower is my go-to relaxation method). By 6am I was having contractions. John woke up, so did Juliette and he got ready for work. I was so uncomfortable by the time he was leaving I was in tears. Every 5-7 minutes I was having contractions and I was scared to be alone with Juliette without him. He assured me he would be home as soon as I needed him if anything progressed. An hour goes by and in having contractions every 4 1/2 minutes. He was home as soon as I sent him the texts that things were looking pretty serious.
So, I started cleaning up some things, contractions were getting pretty strong but manageable. I text my midwife to let her know how I was feeling and told her I would update her on changes. Once john got home he was in overdrive cleaning the house. Upstairs, downstairs, we were getting ready. At this point I had yet to eat anything more than a bite of a banana I was sharing with Juliette. As the pain started to increase I was feeling more and more nauseous. I thought because the pain was getting so bad, it was making me feel ill. But little did I know. The day started to go on and I was laboring a majority of the time on the full bed in Juliette’s room, sleeping between contractions and moaning my way through the pain. By noon when Juliette was down for a nap I was up and walking around trying to keep the progress going (part of my fear of Juliette’s labor repeating itself) I was noticing the contractions were falling out of the rhythm they had been in for so long. I still was incredibly nauseous, beyond anything I have ever felt. I couldn’t eat anything or drink anything without wanting to vomit. So I had no food or water in my system at this point and needless to say was very dehydrated.
By 3:30 I had spoken to my midwifed assistant and she suggested that maybe I had a stomach bug and this wasn’t labor? I was for sure I was in labor, I mean these were real, call out in pain, breathe and focus contractions! I didn’t just have a stomach bug? But shortly after speaking to her my contractions stopped for about 2 hours and I took a good long nap on the couch while john and Juliette played.
Around 7pm contractions started to pick up again and my midwife offered to come over and get an exam of what was going on with my body/vitals and Little mans heart rate. The contractions were intense and weird<! I would have this immense pain all in my stomach and back that would last for 3-4 minutes at a time. Seemingly, I was having one contraction on top of each other and then would get a nice break in between these stretches for about 5 minutes. I had never heard of contractions happening like this? All the tests and checks they did were good. My midwife left some peppermint oil for the nausea and a Benadryl to help me sleep through contractions.
Immediately after she left we were off to bed. I was discouraged that this labor was starting not to seem like labor and that I had no baby on my arms! All this hard work and pain for nothing! But I took the Benadryl and passed out but was waking up during contractions to moan them out and falling asleep as soon as they were over.
I woke up in the morning and felt well enough to try to eat (it had been 24 hours) but as soon as I put something in my mouth, I felt all those same feelings from the day before and was not ready to eat anything else.
At this point I noticed that I hadn’t felt little guy move yet that morning. I drank some cold juice, per midwife’s instructions, and waited and hour but felt nothing. We went into her office about noon to so an NST and he passed, thankfully! At this point we all kind of deduced I had come down with a really terrible, untimely stomach bug. Because it was forcing me not to eat or drink, the dehydration and starvation was causing very painful contractions we were mistaking was labor. Uh, yeah… That’s embarrassing. But whatever the case I feel a lot more encouraged. At least, I still have a chance of having a less than 12 hour labor! (Just my hope anyway) and it was great preparation to remind me just how it’s gonna be! I had forgotten how painful contractions really are. I should have gotten more Benadryl to help me sleep tonight. I have been resting all day because when I move around too much I feel all sorts of awful. Hopefully I get some sleep. I feel worn out.

My body feels like a really old truck on its last 50k miles.
Xo, Rhea


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Spring Cleaning/Still More Labor/Toddler Sleeps

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What is it about spring that makes you want to clean? I always thought “Spring Cleaning” was a myth of sorts, but after today I think it may actually be a primal response. As of the first (this coming Thursday) John and I will have lived in our new town home for 4 months, and after moving as many times as we have, (seven times in a year in a half!) I know that it’s just between the 3 and 4 month mark that you finally unpack your last box. John may be experiencing some sort of nesting of his own today, he organized the entire garage, emptied out a desk we are attempting to get rid of up stairs, set up the baby swing, and moved the dresser we had the living room TV on upstairs so we could finally organize all of little man’s clothing. Oh, and he mounted the TV, which some times makes me feel like I live in a day care, but I’m just glad to have the space. I write as if we have all this stuff, but we really have purged so much crap in the last seven moves. But somehow there are still those couple boxes we both refuse to throw away. My philosophy has always been the less crap you have the simpler life can be. So while we did a lot of projects today, it didn’t really take more than a couple hours because there wasn’t that much more purging to do.

I attempted to do lots of cleaning on my own today as well, but because of all the nesting I have been doing for the past couple weeks already, there wasn’t much more to be done. I spent the morning cleaning the kitchen, but now as I sit here at the end of the day, its dirty again. Story of my life. I didn’t even do any laundry today. Oh, but I did bake today! I’m still in that Early Latent Labor, where I’m having hours of timeable contractions that just stop randomly. Last night I was awake until 11pm, woke up at 3:17am (like every night) and was awake until 7am when John and Juliette got up. I was having contractions every 15 minutes or so, then nothing. I was exhausted today, but I remember this from my last pregnancy as well. I don’t know if its subconscious anticipation that the contractions will turn into real labor, or if I just really can’t sleep, but all I know is that chasing a toddler is hard on 4ish hours of sleep.

The photo above was taken about an hour ago, as John was preparing Juliette for sleep. Those two don’t have the happiest of times trying to go to bed, so I tried suggesting they read a story. She normally is a kinesthetic learner and must. touch. all. things (but I think that’s most toddlers, honestly) but tonight she just laid there and listened to him read. I just heard him open the door about 15 minutes ago (my cue that she’s asleep and the room is safe for entering) so I’m assuming it went better than normal. I mean it probably took him 30 minutes to put her to sleep, plus shes down a lot earlier than normal. She’s probably tired from all the spring cleaning too. I want to start helping her learn to fall asleep herself, but honestly I can count on my hand the number of times she’s just fallen asleep without any sort of coaxing (rocking, humming, cuddling). I have always just followed along with however she chose to sleep, whatever she felt soothed her best, but I’m hoping to make the big girl transition into her own room soon. And eventually being able to let her put herself to sleep. Part of me wonders if that is even realistic. Can a 15-month-old really just fall asleep? Can my 15-month-old put herself to sleep? I just don’t want to force her to do something for my convenience…. I have some reading to do.

Before I sat down to write this I was in Juliette’s room (but not the one she sleeps in) stuffing her cloth diapers and I was just reveling at how blessed I felt. I mean, I know I’m blessed. I know that being a stay-at-home-mom is one of the biggest blessings there is, but really, how do I deserve this? How do I deserve this life? I don’t. I have never done anything phenomenally moral in my life. I have never helped anyone in extreme need. I love to live my life by karmic law, but really what good have I done? I really want to hold onto this season for so long because I know how life works. There are ups and downs and I’m so terrified for when this ends, so I want to enjoy it now.  I feel thankful for this season and I hope I make the best of it. I hope I can really do good in this season so that it makes the next one a little easier.

I just found out Kawaii makes newborn diapers now, so I may have to go browse their website for the next hour or so….
xo, Rhea


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Generosity of Strangers

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John and I were unexpectedly blessed last night by a complete stranger. To be completely honest, I still don’t even know what the woman looks like or her name, not even what her voice sounds like. I need to share this story, because it is such a huge boost to my faith, a boost I needed.

In planning the birth of our little guy at home, we came across a series of really unfortunate circumstances that was putting a lot of pressure on our financial situation. Because this is a home birth and my insurance doesn’t cover births outside of a hospital, there was a lot of money to be saved to afford it. This is was all something we knew and were prepared for upon conception but could not foresee that our entire life was going to change during these last ten months and that at 7 months pregnant our entire savings would be drained. We sat down many times and looked at each other, asking if we could even afford to give birth at home. Eventually, we were able to save up the biggest cost to pay our midwife but we had to sacrifice a lot of the comforts we wanted for our birth at home. One of the biggest sacrifices we made was deciding against a birth tub. I remember the tremendous relief water provided me in Juliette’s labor and I was nervous I would be able to get through the birth of our second without that relief (birth hurts, ok!). But we continued to talk about ways to afford a rental, considered just getting a $30 tub from Walmart (some relief is better than none, right?) or just preparing myself mentally not to use water at all (yeah…. I never got that far). On top of all of this I prayed and prayed that something would work out, that we would be able to have this birth the way we wanted and be happy.

The only thing I can use to describe this pregnancy so far is faith. We had to move out of our apartment, God provided a townhome a month later for cheaper rent (plus a backyard and a garage). We had absolutely no money in our bank account, John got a raise at work and our tax return was deposited that week which ended up being the perfect amount of money we needed to get by and reestablish our savings. Our tire popped! Discount Tire fixed it for free. We had no clothes for this guy, and we got a huge box of clothes from an extended family member and plenty more gifts from family. Every time I stressed, I decided to just send the stress of with a prayer and some how, some way the stress was taken care of.  And now this blessing that happened to us….

On Tuesday, as I was browsing Facebook while Juliette watched Clifford, I came across a posting from a woman who was apart of the same local group of moms that I was apart of. She needed to get rid of a birth tub, and was asking for the best offer. I immediately messaged the woman. I said something along the lines of, “I have no money but if you would consider donating your tub to my family I would be eternally grateful!” Her response? “COME GET IT!!!” (I’m not over exaggerating with the caps, she really did respond in caps!) I poured my thanks back over the message and she told me that she needed to get rid of the tub because she was moving to a shelter temporarily and could not bring it with her. She understood being in need and wanted to be able to bless anyone she could. She asked if we could give the tub back to a friend of hers who wanted to keep it for families like ours who wanted a tub but could not afford it. Happily, I obliged. I could not be more grateful for this blessing and want to continue that blessing forward. The night we went to pick it up she sent me a text saying it was in a box outside her garage because she unexpectedly had to run an errand and didn’t want to miss us. So literally we pulled up to a house we had never seen and took this box with a tub in it and the only thing I could do to really thank this woman was text her thank you in all caps.

Something about this gives me so much courage to give birth again. Why else would all these things be falling into place if I was not meant to be giving birth at home? Why would we be so taken care of? Why? We surely don’t deserve any of this. It’s not like we are these superbly moral people, who do good and give our money to the poor and have been much of a blessing to others? We literally have just focused all our attention and finances on taking care of our child and each other and somehow we were blessed. I can’t explain it. I cannot explain the grace and mercy on our life right now, because it doesn’t make sense. But God is taking care of us. And I just have to be thankful and grateful, and that’s all I feel I can give.

We just finished setting up the tub. Seeing it set up gives me so much excitement and peace. I cannot believe we were blessed with this. I really am in awe.

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Today WAS my due date.

If you have been pregnant before I think you share my annoyance with the term “due date”. There is some much pressure on that one day and if you really look into things more moms deliver on every other day EXCEPT their due date. “When are you due?” With Juliette I was dead set that she was coming early. Christmas rolled around, I was “full term” (another annoying phrase) and I thought she would come any day. She didn’t show up until February 5th, a whole 14 days after I was “due”. And then there are the handful of moms who deliver weeks before that supposedly magical day, and lucky for them they don’t have to deal with the torment of being “over-due”.

This time around, based off my LMP I am due today. Based off an ultrasound I’m not due until May 2nd, either way there will be a baby this week or the next. Knowing that scares me. I mean, birth hurts. I was being a really great pregnant momma this time around and preparing myself mentally for what is likely to happen during this labor. I’m a second time mom so every body tells me this labor will be fast. “Expect half of what your first labor was.” Well, my first labor was 36 hours, so 18 hours of labor is still not that encouraging to me. Ideally, less than 12. That’s what I’m hoping for. But as of these last couple weeks I haven’t been visualizing the best I can. I mean every once and a while I will find a comfy spot on my couch and make a mental note: Comfortable place for early contractions.

I have attempted to remember all the things I have read about positive mental affirmations that help me to not be afraid of giving birth. Are all mommas afraid of birth, I mean specifically the pain? I just remember the break down I had with Juliette at around 5 cm thinking that I couldn’t do it anymore. I mean I was already awake for 48 hours at that point, but see… how can I know this birth will be different? It has to hurt. That’s the beauty of birth. Even I can laugh at myself saying that, because I remember how un-beautiful it was in the midst of the pain. I remember a lot that was not positive for me and now I have to face that again. But I’m so hoping this time will be different.

We are preparing once again for a home birth, and it all makes me… feel. I just have all these emotions. I’m excited, I’m having a son! I’m scared, there is so much pain to endure. I’m impatient, I’ve been in Early Latent Labor for a week. I’m anxious, will this be at night while Juliette’s asleep? Or will we need to call in back up for someone to come watch her? I really don’t want anyone in my home during my labor, excluding John and my midwife. There is something so hindering to a laboring momma who knows people are waiting on her. Hint: if you know a mom in labor, don’t go wait at the hospital/her home… or if you do don’t let her know you are there. I just got an awkward mental picture of my in laws hiding in my closet.

I want to think as positively as I have been about this birth, but today I’m not feeling it. Today I’m feeling the negative. And maybe I need a little bit of that. Maybe I need to be honest with myself so that I can prepare if its not as easy as I have been imagining and hoping. Maybe this will turn all this early labor into active labor. Maybe?

This is just more anxious rambling while I wait on my son. Any day now, any day.
xo, Rhea


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Super Veggie Bowl of Deliciousness: A Recipe

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This is a meal I have on hand that I make when I’m feeling like eating something super comforting but healthy. When John and I are doing really well on our diets, this is made often in our house. I originally got the recipe from Oh, She Glows but it can be made a MILLION different ways. The main premise behind this bowl is brown rice, roasted veggies, and some sort of protein to go with it (in this case we have the roasted chic peas, hummus, and avocado). Basically, this is the vegan version (and way tastier version) of chicken, rice and veggies, a dieting staple for most people.

This isn’t the hardest meal to make but it is a little involved, at least until you get your timing down with the rice being done and veggies coming out of the oven at the same time.

If you are looking for a healthy, hearty meal with lots of flavor, this is what you are looking for.

SUPER VEGGIE BOWL

Ingredients:

Brown Rice
2 cans of organic chic peas
Asparagus
2 Red Peppers
2-3 cups raw spinach
1 clove garlic
Olive Oil
1 Tbsp dried oregano
1 Tbsp garlic powder
Salt and Pepper
Toppings: Fresh Avocado and Spicy Pepper Hummus (I use Athenos)

Instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees and prepare the rice.
2. Rinse chic peas in a strainer, place them on a dry cloth towel to dry and remove all shells. The easiest way to do this is to rub them gently in the towel and the shells simply just fall off.
3. Coat chic peas in olive oil, oregano, salt and pepper. Then place onto a greased baking sheet and put in the oven for 15 minutes. Flip and cook for another 15 minutes. 4. Cut up your red peppers, length-wise, and chop ends off asparagus. Coat these in olive oil, garlic powder, salt and pepper. Place on a greased baking sheet and put these in the oven after you flip the chic peas.
5. Once you remove both baking sheets from the oven, heat up a frying pan with olive oil and garlic and cook spinach until wilted. Depending on your tastes, it should fry up in a minute or two. I don’t like my spinach completely cooked, just slightly wilted.
6. Prepare your dish with brown rice on the bottom, top with veggies and chic peas then add some diced fresh avocado and a big scoop of spicy hummus.

 

Like I said there is a million ways to make this. It’s a good way to eat some veggies that you aren’t necessarily fond of. It’s filling and great for those dieting days. Oh, and this is definitely a toddler approved meal in our house! Hope you enjoy!
xo, Rhea

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Early Easter and more Labor Pains

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Juliette’s second Easter, but I really don’t think last years counted because she was only about 2 months old and we stayed home. We got to spend some time with my parents, Juliette ran around outside and picked up eggs. Surprisingly she got the hang of it perfectly. It probably was like a giant game of clean up, which I have been doing at home with her for a while. I really appreciate my mom making the holidays special for her because we are so distracted with being pregnant. I feel guilty that some of those things fall to the waste side, but in my mind I know she doesn’t understand and won’t remember necessarily. They got her some more baby dolls (a brother doll). I know she enjoyed it and was worn out because she passed out on the drive home and was way over stimulated by the time we wanted to go to sleep. It took John a good hour, maybe an hour and a half, to get her to sleep. And she woke up in the middle of the night twice.
As far as labor pains and whatnot, it’s all the same old crap. I was having lots of cramping in my back and lower stomach, very uncomfortable and tired (because I was awake all night with contractions and Johns snoring). By the time we were driving home, I was just beyond comfortable, lots of pain and contractions. This little guy was twisting and turning and I joked to Johnathan that I thought he was trying to break his water bag open. I was miserable! We were home around 730 and I was having regular contractions every 20 minutes until about midnight when I passed out from exhaustion. John and I were getting excited because it was the first time my contractions were so predictable. But, just like my last labor, I woke up and contractions were minimal.
The funny thing is this is almost exactly like Juliette’s labor! At 36 weeks (both times) I started going through all the regular pains and getting ready and excited, and then she wasn’t born until 42 weeks. I hope to God I don’t have to wait that long again. Oh dear God please!! I’m so over this.

Anyway, happy Easter! Happy day of second chances, grace, and forgiveness. I’m always thankful for what this holiday reminds me of, forgiveness.
Xo, Rhea


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Labor Today?

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Juliette woke up at 8am this morning. Which was uncommon being as she fell asleep an hour early the night before. I woke up before her, which IS common, but while I was laying there I was thinking Today would be a good day to have a baby. We went down stairs, ate some fruit and milk for breakfast and relaxed on the couch. We were catching up on some YouTube vlogs, which we do most mornings. Around 10am I started experiencing some dull back aches, and some cramping in my stomach. I have been having contractions for the past couple weeks, but these were the different kind of contractions. They felt like the real ones. After about 45 minutes of the pain being on and off I went upstairs to go shower and see if that would help. I lost a large chunk of mucous (gross), which could or could not have been my mucous plug. In the shower the pains kept coming, so I started to really think this could be the day to have a baby. I was going over the checklist we learned in our Bradley Method class before Juliette was born: eat, drink, shower, sleep, walk. I had already drank a ton of water, now I had showered. I took Juliette downstairs and we ate some lunch. Eat – check! And after we went upstairs again to nap. I was trying to relax and get some sleep in, but contractions kept coming making it hard to relax. I was texting John the entire time, letting him know what was happening and he started to think it was sounding pretty serious. Eventually I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and Juliette woke up. We went downstairs to relax some more and the contractions seemed to dissipate. John came home (with ice! my cravvvvvving!) and it all seemed to calm down. I went to the grocery store for potatoes so I could make some curry and rice. It’s about 8 pm right now, and I still feel achy in my back, but it’s probably not full labor, yet.

At our appointment Friday I was dilated to 3cm, and that’s a great feeling, being I wasn’t dilated at all with Juliette until actually being in active labor. So in my head I’m almost a 1/3 of the way there. I’ve already made progress and I think the pains I was having today was probably just more dilation. But how can I know, right?

I’m going to drink some Raspberry Leaf Tea tonight. I know my body is super responsive to it, so maybe that will help with more dilation. I’d like to be done. I’d like to just have a baby tonight, but whatever. We will see.

Oh, also… I have eaten half a tray of brownies today. Bad momma!
xo, Rhea


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C’est La Vie

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I just want to start this post saying, I AM happy. I really love my life, I love where we live, I love the way things are going I just have some things that are annoyingly making it hard for me to be happy.

I’m annoyed by credit and our credit situation. I was sitting here looking at our budget and $200 a month goes to credit bills. $200 A MONTH! It almost makes me sick thinking about all the saving we COULD be doing. And I know it’s my fault. We got into this hole a year ago when we moved into our first apartment and had to get all the apartment-y things…. like a bed. We got furniture, more debt. I opened another credit card, more debt. I just know this is all my fault, so I’m dead set on changing this. I feel inspired to settle in our little home right now, and I can’t because this old life we walked away from is still requiring payments. So, like I said I am so inspired to change this situation and get our finances in order and get out of this hole! I have NO idea how long it would take to do that, but I want to have 2 of our 4 credit accounts paid off by the end of the year. That’s my goal. 

Our little home is so…. homey. I really love it. I feel inspired when I look around at this place, but still limited. Our landlord said the owner is open to paint colors and improvements on the home, (Thank God!) but I don’t know how much is too much (like a mosaic backsplash in the kitchen) and how much I really want to invest into a rental (I’m dying for a garden!) So it’s frustrating. I’ve started by buying rugs and pillows. When I see how much that adds to the place I will think about the next step. I want to paint… something, but I don’t know what or where. The downstairs bathroom is bright avocado green, and the stairs are striped with 5 inch thick vertical brown stripes. I can dig the green, but those brown stripes kill me. And painting them literally will be impossible. So, I don’t know what to do with that yet. My first project will definitely be Juliette’s room. I want her to be able to sleep in there (We tried once already and I’m probably the only one in the equation that couldn’t handle it so shes back in our room.) I want her to have a space!

I had a dream we bought this place. And I could totally see us living here. The only downfall is that we are one bedroom too short. This is a 1,300 sq ft town home in Mountains Edge. 2 Beds, 2 1/2 baths, and a 1 car garage. Plus a backyard that is just completely rock and has so much screaming potential it hurts my ears! We would really need an extra room though. John needs an office space area because he wants to start school, and I just need a corner to have a small table and my sewing machine. And I really think our little guy and Juliette could share a room for a while. I shared one with my brother until I was 11, by choice! So as much as I want to make this space a home, I might stick with paint and textiles for now.

I have an idea to make a makeshift patio with pavers in our back yard, at least enough so Juliette and I can sit outdoors without having to walk to the park. Fresh air is good for both of us. I just am determined to get these pavers for free. I have to!

 

Just wanted to rant about life for a bit.
xo, Rhea


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Why I’m Over Pregnancy

20140408-085914.jpgI have been pregnant for 19 months of the past 23 months (just short of two years). I conceived my first in May 2012, and I am due with my second in May 2014. Needless to say, I am over pregnancy. I’m over the growing and shrinking, I’m over the shortness of breath, and the gasping for air at the top of the stairs, I’m done with all the waking to pee, yet still obsessing about my water intake. I’m done with the blood work, done with the fundal height measuring. I’m done with Braxton Hicks contractions, and real contractions, and I-think-these-are-real-because-they-hurt contractions. I’m done with getting asked my due date (because its not like babies actually come on their due dates anyway. I’m just over all of it!

I’m technically 36 weeks and 4 days today, going from my ultrasound measurement. But if you want to go from my LMP date, I’m 38 weeks and 1 day, so do you see why this can be so frustrating. It’s the difference between having a week or so to go, or a whole month entirely (I mean, not technically, but when you are this close to the end even a day of waiting is an entire day of anxiously waiting.) I’m either at the end, or almost at the end. This whole pregnancy has gone by SO quick, and now I’m at the end and it CANNOT GO ANY SLOWER! This Friday we will see our midwife, and I’m pretty sure she will do a cervical check then, and we will hope and pray that I am any sort of dilated!

The past four days I have been having consistent/regular contractions. Some are painful, some are uncomfortable, some are just plain annoying, but they are there and I am without a doubt feeling them, unlike my last pregnancy. Probably because I know what I’m feeling this time too.

With Juliette, I started having “signs of labor” around Christmas. She was due January 22nd, but I didn’t have here until February 5th. So with this baby, I feel like I’m getting anxious (and excited) only to have to wait another month or so. I’m trying my hardest to be patient, trying to develop some sort of plan to still get all the stuff we need for this guy, but there’s not a whole lot of doing that can be done when the funds aren’t there. I just want to go to sleep and wake up when I’m in labor.

So now, here’s the crazy pregnancy hormones talking and I feel completely opposite to everything I have stated above. My daughter is 14-months-old and this is the last few weeks I have when I can give her all my attention and love and can focus solely on her (between the back twisting contractions that is). These are the last few moments of “just us”. I want to show her life everyday, take her places and do things with her, and I have no idea where this is coming from. I want to walk her to the park, but I’m too big, and having too many contractions to hardly make it up the stairs. I’m so sick of the excuses.

I pray to God, that my energy comes back. I don’t remember how long it took after I had Juliette to get my energy back, but I hope I can as soon as possible. Its going to be summer, and I want to experience all that Las Vegas summer’s have to offer.

 

Come on, baby boy. Stop teasing me!
xo, Rhea